One

No significant movement this month…

That’s what I thought when I first heard that our new number on the waitlist for our adoption went from 46 to 45.

Only moving one spot was expected.  As I’ve said before, we kind of keep a pulse on the activity by being on a list serve with other families adopting through the same agency.  But still, as the end of the month nears we can’t help but get our hopes up and wish that we will be surprised!

One.

Just thinking about this number makes we want to numb myself to the process.  It’s taking so much longer than I wanted.  {I catch myself as I type that last sentence.}  My selfishness once again rears its ugly head and I’m back to thinking this adoption process is about me and my family getting another child.  God takes my heart and begins to knead it with His hands.  I can start to feel the pressure, until all at once my heart breaks and I realize what I’ve done.

Adoption is not about me, but about her.  Macy.

Has she been born yet?  I don’t know.  I used to think so.  When we thought we might get a referral in nine months we prayed for her as if she were in the womb.  Now I realize we have been praying for her before she was even conceived.  If she has been born, I think about the struggle, pain or loss that must be happening now around her, to bring her to us.

It’s about us together. One day God will give us this little girl to care for.

In the meantime, what am I to think about this number one?  It is a poetic number. Significant and simple.  Suddenly it speaks volumes to me because I am thinking less about me and more about another ‘one’.  Moving one on the list means that there is one child who has now found a home.  That is significant, I think.

Sure it would be nice to jump ten, twenty, or forty-four on the list, but that would mean there are hundreds, thousands, or hundreds of thousands of people adopting.   And right now you may be reading this and thinking that you can’t make a difference.  Well, you can for one, can’t you?

That number holds so much.  One little life who needs you.  One question to ask yourself.  One decision to act.

“The journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step.” ~Laozi

We are now one step closer to having our little girl in our arms.

A Year With No Picture

March 2012 marked one year that we’ve been on the wait list for our adoption.

This anniversary passed without much celebration.

But looking back, we were happy to see that we have moved 48 spots since the beginning. Half-way there?

That’s the thing about international adoptions. You never know. After my last post, trying to describe the wait, I had several guys who have gone through the adoption process tell me to stop trying to calculate when the referral will come. It will only drive me mad! So I have deleted my excel spreadsheet (yes, I’m a nerd like that) and have tried my hardest to leave it in God’s hands, and to prepare for the unexpected, even though that’s a little bit of an oxymoron.

Having been a year since first prepping our daughter that she will be getting a little sister, Erica and I have to occasionally remind her, just so it won’t come as a big surprise when it finally does happen. It’s hard to explain to a four-year old (Pax is clueless) that another child is on the way, but I finally said something that made sense to her when I affirmed again that she was going to get a sister, we were just waiting to get a picture of her. It helped her understand I think where we are in the process. Later I’ll have to explain to her what will happen when we get the picture so she will know why mommy and daddy have to leave for so many days.

In the meantime, family devotions have been going well, (I’ve written about this more on my dad blog Souvenirs of Fatherhood). We gather around the couch in the living room, sing some Bible songs, read a short story out of the Children’s Bible and then pray together.

I ask Pax what one person he wants to pray for that night, usually it’s a cartoon character like ‘Arthur’ or ‘Thomas’. Then I ask Ella who she wants to pray for and we try to have her not pick a cartoon character. Instead, she usually wants to pray for one of her stuffed animals named Mindy or Pinky but she will very rarely limit her requests to just one person and will include Nana or Papa or Grandma and Grandpa.

We also bring out pictures of the two children who we sponsor through Compassion International to pray for them as a family. I think seeing the pictures of Kidisit and Davi reminded her of what I said about the adoption. That night she prayed:

“Dear God,
Thank you for Mommy and Daddy, and Pax, and me, and Mindy (her stuffed animal), and Roxy (our dog), and I pray for K’disit and Davi, and that we’ll get a picture of Macy soon. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!”

We’re now number #46 on the list!

And I do hope we get a picture soon…

How My Office Plant Helped Me

I have an office plant.

Someone just left it on the window sill after their last day.  I happened to be walking by when I noticed it, not that there was much to notice.  Of the three stems only one had any leaves on it, and as I got closer to it I noticed even those were cracked and dry.

I took it to my desk and plucked all the old leaves off of it.  Then I watered it.  And I stared at it.  Then I watered it some more.  As I sat there watching it, I decided I needed a way to water it without thinking about it so much and it dawned on me…I took my plastic bottle of water and used a thumb tack to poke a small hole in the lid.  I could then leave this upside down in the dirt and the water would slowly trickle out.

When I had completed my invention and positioned it in the center of the soil, I stared at it some more.  With a red pen I marked the level of the water to observe whether or not my idea was working and to ensure that the plant would get enough water over the weekend.  Now that it was all set up I continued with work and glanced up at the plant every now and then.  After about a half hour I could finally see some progress!  The water was a hair below the red line, and either the bottle had shifted slightly to the side or else it’s actually working!  I could hardly contain the joy of my ingenuity!

After it continually consumed even more of my thoughts, I decided it would not be a good idea to leave the bottle set up like that all weekend while I could not watch it.  I worried about all the water coming out too fast, and leaking all over my desk.  What if it spilled on the floor and got into one of the outlets?  Almost immediately I took the bottle out and set it next to the tiny struggling plant.

What if I over watered it?  Is there such a thing?  Perhaps it’s better that I don’t think about it at all. But my mind seemed like it could not rest until I left for the day.  Oddly enough, once I was on the commute home I didn’t think about my plant again until Monday morning when I came in to see the soft light glowing from my overhead lamp that I had left on to help it grow.

That’s when I saw it.  A leaf!  A very microscopic leaf, but it was some small showing of growth that meant something was going on, though I could not see it in progress.

I don’t know if it was coincidence or not, finding this plant.  But God has used it to help me put things in perspective.  My plant has taught me patience, among other things.

I realized, from staring at my plant, that even though I want to see change and movement, these things are best measured over great amounts of time.  The size of the leaves will not be that much different from one minute to the next, just like our number on the wait list for a referral will not be changing every tick of the second hand, or hour hand for that matter.  No, instead I need to check on the status after I’ve allowed things to happen.

Something else my plant has taught me.  Things are happening, things that are all part of the process, even though I cannot see them.  I need to see our adoption story as part of everyone else’s adoption stories.  Because the movement that is going on right now, from children being referred to Hannah’s Hope, to the paperwork being handled by the agency, and even the in-country investigations that must take place, it’s just like the inner workings of my plant.  The water is being absorbed by the roots and providing nutrients to the rest of the plant.  Photosynthesis, and other processes that I don’t even understand are all happening, though they cannot be observed from where I sit at my desk.  Every time a child is matched with a family brings us one step closer to finding our own daughter.  We are all connected.

God also knows that we do need to see some small evidence that things are progressing.  The joy I experienced over the new leaves that sprouted up was nothing compared to the excitement that revived in our hearts at the latest string of activity for other adopting families.  Seeing their referrals has energized us, and helps us get though the next period of waiting.

In the meantime, it is possible to over water.  I feel like there are days when I need to stop staring at the adoption, waiting for something to change.  Obsessing over what to do next and how to help it along.

I’m thankful for my little plant.  It is a nice reminder of what God is trying to teach me.  Patience, excitement, process.  It’s hard to endure at times, but one day I know we will see our flowers in full bloom.

Here’s the inspiration for this post.  I ended up having to rip out two of the stems that were just completely dead and a coworker gave me some other sprouts to put in its place.

Hard to Describe the Wait

This is a hard post for me to write.  That’s part of why it has taken me so long to do it.  I’m honestly a little nervous to share some of what I’m going to share today, at the same time I feel almost compelled to write it.  It will be a post of many contradictions I’m afraid.  I think there is a chance this will be misunderstood, that people will read this post and it won’t make sense, largely because so much of it doesn’t make sense to me.  Here goes…

And the winner is…

Watch the video see who the winner of the Kindle is!!

Congratulations!!!!

THANK YOU to all who participated.  I truly wish that everyone could have won something because we are so thankful to everyone who contributed and supported us.  Thank you for the retweets and the reposts.  We ended up raising $490…not too shabby!!  Again, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you to everyone for the support and helping us to bring our little girl home.  God is using each one of you in her story and we are so thankful that she will be surrounded by such love!!

Pleading Eyes

I felt like one of the homeless men I pass everyday in the streets, except I was begging for someone else.

My pleading eyes reached out to those walking by.  Their eyes would glance in my direction, but then quickly refocus their gaze in stride.

The lives of each one of the children hung in the balance as their pictures lay on the table in front of me.  Forty six faces lined in seven neat rows on two tables.  Today was their day to be on display.  Bundles of twenty, held together by thick rubber bands, sat stacked on the cold tile floor hidden behind the smooth brown tablecloth.  Only I and the other volunteers knew about the stacks.  But if people could be completely honest with themselves for a moment, it wouldn’t take too much imagination for them to realize those stacks existed, too. 

Erica and I had the opportunity to be table volunteers for Compassion International.  For five hours we stood watching people walk by.  Our hearts would beat a little faster if someone stopped at the table.  And the smiles on our face grew bigger every conversation we had with people about child sponsorship.

We showed people a picture of our little girl, and let them read the letters she writes us, while we explained how child sponsorship, in many cases, is orphan prevention.  We explained just how much $38 a month could do for one of these children, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as Compassion works with local churches in developing countries around the world to make sure that the children they help feed and educate also get a chance to respond to the Gospel, meeting their most important need, while not forgetting to show grace and hope in tangible ways.

As people started to make the choice to sponsor, a beautiful thing would happen.  They would pick up the photo from the table to take home and hang on their fridges or put in their wallets, making a difference in that child’s life.  Erica would reach down, pick out another child from the stacks below, and bring them up to the table.  One choice changed the destiny of two children, this new child’s face catching the eye of another person passing by.  As these choices go, we usually never know the chain reaction of effects they will have.  Some lasting into eternity.

Well, one of those faces caught our eyes as well.  Almost the exact same age as our daughter, little Davi stood on a board in the mud for his photo.  His arms were stiff at his side with fear and uncertainty, but the eyes of that round boyish face looked hopeful.  He had been waiting for eight months for a sponsor already.    

We were so excited to hear that at last count, 68 children were sponsored through this event, including our little Davianus.  

Have you ever considered sponsoring a child?

Fighting Poverty – One Minivan at a Time

You know, to be honest, I didn’t know where to go with what I have been learning through our adoption process. I feel as though I have this passion to be a voice for children in need but I just needed a place to start. As I read Proverbs 31:8-9 that says

  “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Speak up and

 judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” I desperately wanted to do that but didn’t know how….then this came in the mail.

This is EXACTLY what I had been looking for and God knew it. THIS is where I belong.  Lee and I are becoming Compassion International Child Advocates. I am excited beyond words.

{Advocate-”One who defends, who pleads another’s case, or who calls for one’s aid.”}

Compassion International exists as a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. They help over 1.2 million children in 26 countries and are helping to end the cycle of poverty. They are truly an amazing organization and I can not wait to be involved with them. I just have to pass the background check.  (which seeing as I have already passed 3 for our adoption, including the FBI, I’m not too concerned )

Ever since we went to IdeaCamp:Orphan Care there has been a shift in my thinking.  I am a huge advocate for adoption, obviously  I think adoption is awesome, but it is not the answer to the orphan crisis. And while I think there are many things that can be done to help orphans, one of the best things is family preservation and orphan prevention and, in many cases, that is exactly what child sponsorship does.  It allows children to stay with and be raised by their parents, in their own country, with their own language, in their own culture.  How amazing. By us giving $38/month we are keeping a family together.  When I realized this, it was literally earth shattering for me. There are many families in Ehtiopia that have to give up their children because they simply can not afford to feed them.  It is a travesty.  As I look at my children I seriously can not even entertain the thought of having to give them up because I couldn’t give them the basic necessities.  Child sponsorship is family preservation and orphan prevention.  It is a tangible way to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

We sponsor a 5 year old little girl, Kidisit.  What.A.Blessing.  I love getting letters from her and hearing about her life in Ethiopia.  We are praying that when we go to get Macy we can visit her. Her letters have given us a glimpse into the lives of these beautiful people and helped us to see our world and our lives in a new way.  It has been truly a blessing to us.

So stay tuned for more info in child sponsorship and ways that you can get involved to speak up for those who can’t. And if God is laying this on your hearts, hop on over to their website, Compassion International, and sign up to sponsor a child today.  You can give hope to a child in a place where hope is hard to come by.  You definitely would not regret it!